Culture Mush

Once upon a time, fashion designers sketched out sassy twigs with female parts and no faces. These sketches were complete with loud patterns, satellite sized hats, squared shoulders, and turned into trendy fashion. After watching a marathon of the Golden Girls on a long Sunday afternoon, I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to the great shoulder pad craze of the 1980’s.

After doing some intense and calculated research (which included watching 80’s reruns of Dynasty, Scarecrow And Mrs. King, Knots Landing and Designing Women), I have come to realize that as with anything, fashion is directly related to political issues, complete with negative long term effects. In the 80’s equal rights amongst women and men were at its peak. After fighting the power and planting the flag of fairness, the ‘Power Woman’ was born! The women in the workforce had decided that there was to be no more crap taken from the elitist businessman. By taking their very feminine frames and adding some fluffy hair, wider shoulders and padding that gives the impression of improved posture, the playing field was even. Not only was the playing field even, but the sewn in shoulders had effectively wiped out the woman who had a chip on her shoulder…literally.

Right about the time the padded shoulders came into play, is when women stopped using Kleenex to stuff their bras, and started filling their milk bubbles with silicone sacks. Once the breast stuffing had stopped and the enhancements were permanently placed under previously flat skin, men could no longer say they were duped upon getting intimate with a woman for the first time. The only concern that came into play during the great shoulder pad era of the 1980’s, was whether or not the woman was really built like a linebacker, or whether her masculinity could be taken town 3 notches as soon as her top dropped.

While the shoulder pad had some positives, being as ladies were in a more powerful position physically to match their mental greatness, the frame of a man was now visually diminutive, which prompted the birth of the meathead. Men stopped going for the slender and sleek look, opting for bulky and bloated. While this appealed to many women, the stoppage of quality time with mates dropped due to hectic gym schedules, date money dissolved as men hustled to keep protein pumping to their muscles, and men in their 20’s and 30’s lost their hair at alarming rates due to rampant steroid use. Once ladies noticed these changes, it was quite apparent that the downfall of the shoulder pad was imminent (in order to save intimate relations with the male species, and to bask in the glory of mental superiority), and that men would permanently adapt to the creed of the beefcake.

Like the high of an illegal drug, and the downfalls of an addict, shoulder pads were a fad that felt so right, yet was obviously so wrong. Power was successfully established, but a nation of once human males were to forever fall to the wayside, into a pool of steroids, dumbbells and pull-up stations. Then again, was this possibly the grand plan? Establish female mental superiority by constraining men to the gym and stripping them of intellectual activities. Things that make you go hmmmm! Gone are the days of poofy female shoulders, but our nation will be forever impacted. Until we meet again, so long Mr. shoulder pad. So long.