Culture Mush

After being mocked and impersonated to perfection on Saturday night Live for weeks, Sarah Palin decided that she needed to stop by for a personal visit. After McCain hit Letterman this week for a semi-tense sit down, who knew what could be expected here.

What we were treated to was Amy Poehler busting a rhyme that was ’supposed’ to flow out of Sarah Palin’s mouth, and some ackward, off beat chicken headin’. At least she graced us with a ‘you betcha!’. This officially confirms that after this campaign is over, Sarah can land a backup dancer spot for the Pussycat Dolls!

And I didn’t forget those of you who wanted to see Tina Fey and Sarah Palin together on the same stage at the same time. After some strange dialogue and poor acting, Tina and Caribou Barbie finally crossed paths. Enjoy!

I know, I know…I’m wasting a lot of time talking about this Sarah Palin woman who won’t even be a thought in our minds in 2 months, but the “newsbreaks” about this woman are getting crazier by the day. Topic of the day: The Newsweek cover of Sarah Palin that features an un-retouched headshot photo.

This week’s Newsweek magazine features an untouched photo of Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin along with the headline She’s One Of The Folks (And that’s the Problem). As you can see, Andrea Tantaros argues that “It highlights every imperfection that every human being has. We’re talking unwanted facial hair, pores, wrinkles. This is a gross slap in the face.”

Now I’m a UNLV Fine Arts graduate, so I’m sure my observational skills are far more evolved than these literal political experts. Maybe the correlation between words and imagery is lost upon the true elitists of society, but wouldn’t an untouched photo of a naturally attractive woman help the public relate to her as one of the folks a lot more than a heavily photoshopped image that shows nothing but artificially flawless skin and false perfection? In my opinion (which is correct 100% of the time, 70% of the time), this cover in an artistic sense is genius, correlating it’s words with a matching image. Mrs. High and Mighty with her high society status and beauty pageant past, has charmed the hoozeymawhatsits off of our rear ends, donchaknow…and she now is looking like one of us if our faces were magnified times two. Talk about a headline making sense: Now that we can see her flaws, we can all see that she is in fact, one of us!

In terms of a press move, this is about the smartest thing that could have been done by Palin and the Republican Political party. By running this cover and stirring up this fake controversy, the Palin buzz continues as it is on this blog, and the focus is taken off of the poor race that her superior is running.

After a debate that was free of fireworks or anything that will change the minds of voters, nothing can spark a campaign’s fire like some TMZ style smut that the public loves. Aside from that, free airtime on heavily biased news networks that diverts our attention away from the real issues at hand, never hurts a party that is clinging to a race by a thread.

Now that Palin made it to the debate and didn’t embarrass herself too bad (unfortunately), I think it’s about time for me to drop a few facts about Sarah Palin that you may or may not know. These are facts not because they have been proven 100% to be true, but because I say so. Hell…with that mentality, I ought to be a politician!

1. Sarah Palin has the ability to partake in a structured debate with the uncanny ability to answer any question asked, with a response about something totally different and unrelated!
2. Palin forgot to mention that she has a son that she’s been hiding from us all. Bobby, from Bobby’s world:
   
3. Hustler’s search for a Palin impersonator to ‘act’ in an adult film is completed. The film is tentatively titled “NAILIN’ PAYLIN”. All we can hope for is that they don’t look for a McCain Lookalike to co-star.
4. She has the uncanny ability to give birth at 44, and return to her original size within a few months. How she manages to fit in the daily workouts to do so between raising 5 children, actively campaigning and getting slammed by Katie Couric is beyond me.
5. She enjoys the word Maverick way too much, and admits that she is one as well. With two self proclaimed ‘mavericks’ running on one ticket that can’t seem to agree on 70%  of the issues, what kind of hodgepodge would we end up with if this ticket is elected into the White House?
6. She expects to exclaim phrases like “Dog gone, gosh b golly, Joe you don’t know?” during a Vice Presidential debate, and be taken seriously. Could you imagine the mess it would be if this woman had to speak to esteemed world leaders that don’t understand ‘redneck’?
7. And one time, at band camp…
   
8. Palin’s poor showings to the mainstream press are all caused by interviewers not asking questions that she feels the American public wants to hear. That makes sense though… A Vice President will never be asked anything that isn’t on their pre-written script, right? Right? Just nod and smile Sarah. That’s all you need to do!
   
9. Palin is the first Vice Presidential candidate that I have heard drunk patrons at a bar talking about in an impure manor. Bush, Quayle, Gore, Cheney…None of them have gotten that attention. I wonder why? Oh…I know why! Because McCain thought that by adding an attractive yet ditzy housewife would lure in the suckers to place their votes for him! I guess something had to bring that dull campaign some life.
10. You might have thought that Palin’s thought processes were very simple. However, this flowchart of last night’s election proves that Sarah Palin is really a complex person with a lot of great ideas: