Culture Mush

Are you wanting to show the support of McCain or Obama, but don’t know how? Do you wish that one of those pollsters would call you to ask which candidate will be getting your vote? Is the urge to vote eating away at you? Don’t let it do that…Instead, eat away your urge to vote!

Thanks to the fine folks at Airbed And Breakfast, voting just became delicious, nutritious and full of hope! For a limited time, you can show the support of your candidate by purchasing a box of Cap’n McCains or Obama O’s. Not only will you be a part of their voter poll which currently has Obama O’s leading Cap’n McCain’s by a vote of 63% to 36%, but 5% of the purchase will go towards the respective candidate. Be sure purchase yours now, as each box is limited to 500!

I know, I know…I’m wasting a lot of time talking about this Sarah Palin woman who won’t even be a thought in our minds in 2 months, but the “newsbreaks” about this woman are getting crazier by the day. Topic of the day: The Newsweek cover of Sarah Palin that features an un-retouched headshot photo.

This week’s Newsweek magazine features an untouched photo of Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin along with the headline She’s One Of The Folks (And that’s the Problem). As you can see, Andrea Tantaros argues that “It highlights every imperfection that every human being has. We’re talking unwanted facial hair, pores, wrinkles. This is a gross slap in the face.”

Now I’m a UNLV Fine Arts graduate, so I’m sure my observational skills are far more evolved than these literal political experts. Maybe the correlation between words and imagery is lost upon the true elitists of society, but wouldn’t an untouched photo of a naturally attractive woman help the public relate to her as one of the folks a lot more than a heavily photoshopped image that shows nothing but artificially flawless skin and false perfection? In my opinion (which is correct 100% of the time, 70% of the time), this cover in an artistic sense is genius, correlating it’s words with a matching image. Mrs. High and Mighty with her high society status and beauty pageant past, has charmed the hoozeymawhatsits off of our rear ends, donchaknow…and she now is looking like one of us if our faces were magnified times two. Talk about a headline making sense: Now that we can see her flaws, we can all see that she is in fact, one of us!

In terms of a press move, this is about the smartest thing that could have been done by Palin and the Republican Political party. By running this cover and stirring up this fake controversy, the Palin buzz continues as it is on this blog, and the focus is taken off of the poor race that her superior is running.

After a debate that was free of fireworks or anything that will change the minds of voters, nothing can spark a campaign’s fire like some TMZ style smut that the public loves. Aside from that, free airtime on heavily biased news networks that diverts our attention away from the real issues at hand, never hurts a party that is clinging to a race by a thread.

Now that Palin made it to the debate and didn’t embarrass herself too bad (unfortunately), I think it’s about time for me to drop a few facts about Sarah Palin that you may or may not know. These are facts not because they have been proven 100% to be true, but because I say so. Hell…with that mentality, I ought to be a politician!

1. Sarah Palin has the ability to partake in a structured debate with the uncanny ability to answer any question asked, with a response about something totally different and unrelated!
2. Palin forgot to mention that she has a son that she’s been hiding from us all. Bobby, from Bobby’s world:
   
3. Hustler’s search for a Palin impersonator to ‘act’ in an adult film is completed. The film is tentatively titled “NAILIN’ PAYLIN”. All we can hope for is that they don’t look for a McCain Lookalike to co-star.
4. She has the uncanny ability to give birth at 44, and return to her original size within a few months. How she manages to fit in the daily workouts to do so between raising 5 children, actively campaigning and getting slammed by Katie Couric is beyond me.
5. She enjoys the word Maverick way too much, and admits that she is one as well. With two self proclaimed ‘mavericks’ running on one ticket that can’t seem to agree on 70%  of the issues, what kind of hodgepodge would we end up with if this ticket is elected into the White House?
6. She expects to exclaim phrases like “Dog gone, gosh b golly, Joe you don’t know?” during a Vice Presidential debate, and be taken seriously. Could you imagine the mess it would be if this woman had to speak to esteemed world leaders that don’t understand ‘redneck’?
7. And one time, at band camp…
   
8. Palin’s poor showings to the mainstream press are all caused by interviewers not asking questions that she feels the American public wants to hear. That makes sense though… A Vice President will never be asked anything that isn’t on their pre-written script, right? Right? Just nod and smile Sarah. That’s all you need to do!
   
9. Palin is the first Vice Presidential candidate that I have heard drunk patrons at a bar talking about in an impure manor. Bush, Quayle, Gore, Cheney…None of them have gotten that attention. I wonder why? Oh…I know why! Because McCain thought that by adding an attractive yet ditzy housewife would lure in the suckers to place their votes for him! I guess something had to bring that dull campaign some life.
10. You might have thought that Palin’s thought processes were very simple. However, this flowchart of last night’s election proves that Sarah Palin is really a complex person with a lot of great ideas:

    

After long battles between the Democrats, Republicans and the American public, the financial bailout plan was given the axe. After House Speaker Nancy Pelosi made a speech bashing the current Republican administration and pointing her grubby fingers all over the place, the Republicans began to tear up and cast their ‘nay’ votes just to spite the Democrats. Of course the result as we have all seen was the biggest single day drop in the Dow Jones in history: Lucky 777!

Said GOP House Leader John Boehner:
“I do believe that we could have gotten there today had it not been for this partisan speech that the speaker gave on the floor of the House.

“I mean, we were, we were — we put everything we had into getting the votes to get there today. But the speaker had to give a partisan voice that poisoned our conference; caused a number of members, who we thought we could get, to go south.”

While some see this as a bi-partisan compromise that came to fruition after listening to the American public, it should be viewed as nothing more than a PMS’ing mother scolding a bunch of angry children. As can be expected by angry children, they threw a fit, broke a lot of crap and don’t understand why their actions caused a negative reaction.

The long term results still remain to be seen, but the big wigs will reconvene Thursday, with the possibility of a rewrite and some more party line posturing. Who knows if this Socialism approach will be a positive solution, but I think it’s understood by all that something needs to be done…and fast!

On a side note, Numerologists across the country are celebrating a bunch of new conspiracy theories that they can run with for the next week or 2 before they are all proven wrong. It’s nothing but fun with numbers!

Read about the symbolism of 777 here…

As we all know, Florida is the land that can make or break any presedential election. This year is no different and as always, our friend Sarah Silverman has decided to voice her always offensive thoughts in the form of a PSA promoting Obama to Jews in Florida…Or should I say urging grandchildren to visit their Jewish Grandparents in Florida, to persuade them to vote for Obama.

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.